I wrote this article for the Fulbright Thailand newsletter a little while back. Mostly, it is a publication intended for circulation among the Fulbright network here -- current and past Fulbrighters, member of the Board, etc. It's a little cheeky, but I'm just doing my darndest to be the perfect little angel ~~ Hah hah =). Just kidding Phi Tip (aka Executive Director of Fulbright Thailand)!!!!
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On a recent trip to Ubon Ratchathani University, I was asked to reflect on a number of issues that I would share with audiences of educators and students. Among many other questions thrown my way, I was asked to address the following questions in particular: What inspired me to come to Thailand? How does it feel to look Thai but be American? What do I hope to achieve in my time here? In beginning my discussion of these topics, perhaps it will be helpful to answer the first question that I am asked after people learn that I am not Thai – where are you from?
My parents and I are immigrants from Southeast Asia. Although my ethnic background is Tae-Chiew Chinese, all of us were born in Cambodia and fled the country in 1983 to escape the tyrannical Khmer Rouge. We were political refugees who found safety first in the refugee camp at Khao I Dang, in Sakeo Province here in Thailand and then in the Philippines. Finally, in May of 1985, we settled in Los Angeles, California in the United States. What makes it complicated when people ask me the question, “where are you from?” is that I don’t always know how long of an answer they are interested in hearing. Do I say America? If I do, the next comment will invariably be, “but you look Asian.” So do I say Chinese? Or should I say Cambodian? Eventually, I come up with something like this – I’m Chinese, but I was born in Cambodia and now I live in America. It’s enough to confuse many people.
So what inspired me to come to Thailand, you ask. The simple answer is that I wanted to reconnect with my roots. But what does that really mean? Since I grew up in a household with a mix of cultures and languages – Chinese, English and Khmer, I always had a hard time with forming an identity for myself. Earlier I touched upon whether I should say that I’m American, Chinese or Khmer. In the end, I acknowledged that I felt a certain draw towards Southeast Asia when I had to pick first the region and then the country that I would go to for my Fulbright grant. Why not China or Cambodia? Truthfully, my Chinese isn’t good enough to operate in China and Cambodia’s Fulbright program is still very much in its formative stages. In contrast, Thailand does not have a language requirement and the well-established Fulbright program here has been in existence for over 50 years now. Also, my topic is in business and economics and Thailand provides a much more interesting case study than would Cambodia as the former’s economy has experienced a lot more growth and has taken advantage of its potential in a much more effective way than the latter. Besides, Thailand’s culture and society shares a lot of common threads with Cambodia and the majority of the large Chinese population in Thailand is Tae-Chiew, the same ethnic group as my family. For these reasons, I felt like Thailand was the right choice for me.
With regards to looking Thai but thinking and operating as American in Thailand – well, it has its ups and downs. For example, I don’t get honked at by the tuk-tuk drivers as I’m walking down the street. The street vendors aren’t always aggressively trying to sell me their wares and trinkets. I don’t get the same types of solicitations from the Thai women who work in the various bars whenever I walk down Sukhumvit Road. On the flip side, most Thais begin their interaction with me in Thai. These days, I do fine with it because I have managed to learn enough Thai to know what they are asking me and to be able to answer them. However, when I first arrived in Bangkok, it was routine for me to feel quite foolish and helpless. I would sheepishly admit that I don’t speak any Thai and felt quite embarrassed about it. Still, all was not lost as my parents did a good job of instilling some important Asian values in me. Respect for elders and for religion, proper social conduct and the ability to be aware of and show sensitivity to different cultural practices. Strangely, I feel very much at home in Thailand now. The values, customs and cultural sensitivities seem like they have always been there. Coming here just awakened them from deep within me. In the end, I do have to add that daily, I encounter things that confuse me and amaze me. To conclude, however, I should say that there are things that Americans and Thais may learn from each other. Perhaps Americans should be more jai yen. Maybe Thais can learn to check their email more frequently and reply in a timely manner.
Before I left Seattle and came to Bangkok, I had dinner with a few of my former professors at Seattle University as a sort of farewell and congratulations. One of them asked me, what are you expecting to learn from your time in Thailand and what criteria will you use to determine whether or not it will be a success? At the time, I told him that my trip to Thailand will be my first time out of the country on me own and that I don’t really know what to expect. I told him that I just hope to learn as much as I can and let things run their course. To some extent, my answer has remained unchanged. I am doing all I can to be open to new experiences. I’m eating as much food as I can and going on as many weekend excursions as I can. I’m also telling “my story” as to why I’m in Thailand to as many people as will listen. From this, I have been able to meet and get introductions (or at least contact information) from many people who will perhaps play a role in helping me to learn and accomplish more of what I came here to do. I am doing my best to learn the language here because I don’t think you can fully grasp a culture and people if you cannot speak their language. Fortunately for me, I have found Thai to be more than manageable as it shares many words in common with Khmer and grammar is very similar for the two languages, although they come from different families.
Speaking of languages, one of the things that the student audience found quite amusing was the fact that I could entertain them by speaking short phrases in Thai, Mandarin Chinese, Khmer and an entire presentation in perfect English. I did my best to encourage them to go out and explore the world and let them know that although it can be challenging, it also comes with rewards. I encouraged them to study hard and not to be afraid to ask questions and engage their professors in conversation, for which I received applauses and praise from the educators in the audience.
In closing, I just have to say that in my short four months here, I had learned much more than I was able to appreciate as I went. It is only in reflecting back and the “looking into the mirror” effect that comes from being in a culture and society that is different from my own that I have come to appreciate our differences and mentally document my learning and growth. Much thanks to Fulbright and the wonderful staff at TUSEF for giving me this life-changing experience!
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You can also follow this link to read the short article I wrote for the website. You will find pictures there and a little bit more of a description of what went down:
http://www.fulbrightthai.org/knowledge/read.asp?id=215&type=news
What you won't get the inside scoop on from either article is this one funny thing that happened after the presentations were concluded. So I don't think I mentioned that all of the students in the audience are college freshmen (a large percentage of whom are female). When I stepped down from the speaker table and microphones, a bunch of them came up to me and asked to take pictures with me using their mobile phones. One of them asked me for my email, whereupon I produced my card. All of a sudden, I found myself handing out all the cards I normally carry around to give to people I may run into who might be able to help with my research. One of the girls even asked me to sign my card for her!! Later, I got an email from one of the female teachers saying thanks for stopping by and sharing my thoughts. She also told me that she spotted me as wallpaper on one of her student's computers. Isn't that crazy? That was my brush with celebrity-hood. It felt a little strange...heh heh. The most important thing that came out of my trip was that I got the contact information for one of the premier scholars in Thailand on it's very special brand of economic theory -- Sufficiency Economics! YES!!
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